


The (un)desired side effect of the quarantine (I was there before you knew you need me)

by KaterinaSentByCyberLife



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Accidental crippling depression, Deviant Upgraded Connor | RK900, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gavin Reed Backstory, Gavin Reed has daddy issues, Gavin Reed is Bad at Feelings, Gavin Reed-centric, Gen, Hurt Gavin Reed, I Don't Even Know, I swear it ends up well, I'm Sorry, M/M, Not Beta Read, Protective Upgraded Connor | RK900, QuaREEDtine Challenge (Detroit: Become Human), Soft Upgraded Connor | RK900, Supportive Upgraded Connor | RK900, Well I sort of took the prompt and run with it, Why Did I Write This?, it got out of hand help, lots of movie and musical references because reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23328790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaterinaSentByCyberLife/pseuds/KaterinaSentByCyberLife
Summary: Gavin Reed does have not much in his life besides his work. Work, work, work, all he ever does it work, not to think, not to feel.So, what does happen when he's benched and left alone in a flat with nobody but his partner, who he always carefully held at arm's length?Warning: Depression, self-depreciation, mentions of abuse past relationship, father issues
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 16
Kudos: 166





	The (un)desired side effect of the quarantine (I was there before you knew you need me)

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative title: Don't let me let the dark take over (From the song Solstice by Starset)  
> Reed900 fic, inspired my Michelle the Octopunk's prompt to write a QuaREEDtine fic. And I took the prompt and run with it. Or the prompt run with me, I have yet to figure that out. Also, I'm sorry for this turning the way it did- a deep dive into broken man's psyche, somehow. (Am I really sorry, thought?)  
> So my last two brain cells decided to cooperate on this. It went something like this.  
> Cell 1: Let's write a nice Reed900 to cheer everyone up!  
> Cell 2: Yes! And let's give Gavin crippling depression!  
> Cell 1: Uh, maybe let's not do that.  
> Cell 2: No we gonna.  
> And thus, this monstrosity of a fic was born. So I guess I'll just leave this here for you guys to read. Might as well now I'm done with this...  
> Enjoy the fic and see you at the bottom.

Detective Gavin Reed never spent much time home, unless he had to change, sleep, eat or anything in that general vicinity. He preferred to work, work, work, to be out there, in the streets or in the precinct, busing himself with solving crime and dealing with humanity's worst scums. He felt useful there. He had something to do. Something to think about. Being alone in his rathole of an apartment made him think about things he'd rather not think about, acknowledge the truths he'd rather ignore and embrace what he was so desperately running from.

But nobody was ever allowed to know that. Not a single soul.

And, boy oh boy, did Gavin Reed play his cards well! He was the master of I-don’t-care face, complaining forever and ever about the ever-growing pile of working Fowler was assigned to him, despite sinking his teeth into it like a hungry shark. Those who did not see the results of his doing, those who did not pay close attention to Gavin Reed, the youngest, brashest detective in the precinct, did not see his meticulous, hard work, but those who paid some attention did not miss it. However, those were few and far between. In general, Gavin Reed was perceived as an undesirable companion, troublemaker and just a not very nice person. With exception of few officers who knew him on a more personal level, he usually walked to the precinct alone, day in, day out.

So the very worst thing that could possibly happen to the secretly hard-working, risk-taking lone wolf was to be locked up in his apartment. All because of an asshole android parts dealer who Gavin sniffed out and arrested earlier that week, along with his still quite new partner RK900, a state-of-the-art detective android of the next generation.

Speaking of his partner…

RK900 was certainly something else. While Gavin was strictly opposed to having a partner at first, RK900 was kind of forced at him. He hated, hated, hated it at first because he always hated letting new people into his life until he learned that having a partner was quite helpful. He had someone to share his thoughts concerning the cases with, cracking them like no tomorrow, and an extra pair of observant eyes, even when they were optical units rather than eyes was useful, as well. With the android revolution ending as it did, the fact that CyberLife stopped manufacturing the androids and the sudden surge in crime in post-revolution Detroit, there need for capable officers were as high as never before, and Gavin ultimately lost his main motivation to hate on the androids, including Connor. He soon learned that besides his seeming innocence and bubbliness, Connor did not piss him off any more than a regular human being did, so that was certainly something. He learned to tolerate him, and even kind of liked his no-nonsense approach when it came to dealing with some cases, occasionally asking him for help or helping out in return.

But RK900 was nothing like Connor, and Gavin was still not sure whether that was a good or bad thing.

If one was to describe Connor as a negotiator, or a good cop, RK900 was a terminator, giving out the ultimate bad cop vibe. Taller, face sharper, pointy chin and colder, narrower eyes, along with wide shoulders and that self- assured strode was giving off a vibe of someone who you don’t want to mess with.

And Gavin was kind of loving it. They were the ultimate badass cops. Gavin brought the sarcasm and years of experience in the field, of dealing with people, and Nines provided the intimidation factor and the undefinable logic of a perfect machine.

And what was even better, after RK900’s initial attempts to get to know Gavin was harshly refused by the said detective, he stopped trying. 

“Look,” Gavin told RK900 once, after his last futile attempt to get to know him, nicknamed Nines by most of the precinct by then, “I don’t need to know you, you don’t need to know me. We just need to function. No need to be personal.”

Nines gave him a long, pensive look, longer than it needed to be, but ultimately, he nodded, and let it go. They worked, efficient, impersonal, like a well-oiled machine.

Machines did not need to be personal. The less personal they were, the better they worked. Emotion tended to mess up with everything and everyone, always getting in the way.

But working in such close proximity to one another, it was impossible not to learn something about one another, not to grow closer. Gavin, for example, learned that Nines, despite not sticking to his stark white CyberLife jacket, preferred to still look the look, opting for a smart, polished and professional look, and was something of a neat freak. His table, opposing to Gavin's table consisting mostly of candy wrappers, empty coffee cups, take out boxes, paperwork, paperwork and some more paperwork. He tended to always misplace his badge amongst those, and it became a habit that as soon as they were heading out, Nines would reach over to the pile of papers covering the tables and fish the badge out without as much as batting an eye, handing it to Gavin. Nines also tended to try and clean Gavin's table from time to time. Gavin was mad at him about fiddling with his stuff at first, but ultimately just let it slip, and let Nines clean his table from time to time where he deemed the mess too much.

Gavin also learned that Nines lacked some basic social and psychological understanding of human beings and whenever the need arose, he did his best to explain certain motivations behind someone's behaviour or the motive behind some crime. Nines always listened keenly and soon, the need to understand humans better inspired the need to do his own research. When he managed to read into suspect's behaviour without Gavin helping, he looked quite proud of himself, and he explained to Gavin that he's been trying to read some books and watch movies to understand the emotions that drove humans forward better. That was the first time Gavin gave him what felt like a genuine smile and patted his shoulder acknowledging. There was no need to put in into words, and both of them knew it.

But now they were stuck in Gavin’s shitty apartment together, and it was slowly driving Gavin crazy.

It started innocently enough. They were looking for a guy who thought he was clever enough to snug the android contraband right under their noses. Too bad. They found him, arrested him and had him in for an interrogation. It was late at night when they came to lock him up at the precinct, and Gavin went straight to home, leaving Nines at the precinct where he practically lived, except for when he was staying at Anderson's house. 

The morning call woke him up, and he grunted when he picked up the phone. His doozy brain took a while to catch up with whatever was being said to him, but when it did, his day ultimately turned much shittier.

That fucker had the virus. The one sneakily spreading around the world, the one which threatened the whole world for a few months now. While some countries in the world were already on lockdown because of it, it was not all that much concern to anyone in the US yet. It popped up every now and then, but the person was quickly isolated, along with anyone who they interacted with. Gavin paid it close to no mind, although he caught himself washing his hands more often and bought some hand sanitizer that smelled like eucalyptus. It was quite a relaxing smell, to tell the truth, so Gavin did not mind using it every now and then that much.

But now, he had been in direct contact with a person who had the virus. Now he was the one who will be isolated, either until they prove that he didn’t catch the virus, or until he’s cured out of it.

“I- I see,” was all he said into the phone, a little too dazed to think of something more complex.

“Sir, there is nothing to be worried about. You are a strong, young man. Should you have the virus, it would not likely endanger you,” the medical personnel told him, no doubt hearing the way his voice wavered slightly.

Gavin could not tell them that he’s not worried about getting sick with the virus. He was much more worried about being locked up in his apartment, all alone, alone, alone with his thoughts and demons he fought so hard to keep in the bay.

They sent an android with a respirator, who took a sample of his saliva and drew his blood. They were out of his flat in a mere five minutes. But then, Nines, mouth covered with face mask, appeared at his door.

“What are you doing here?” Gavin asked him, stepping aside to let him in.

“I was sent to the quarantine,” Nines said simply, taking his shoes off in the corridor, immediately disposing of his face mask, stuffing it into a ziplock bag and beelining toward the bathroom.

“Wait, you are an android, right?” Gavin followed him. Nines was scrubbing his hands carefully with warm water and soap. “You can’t get sick.” 

"That I can't," Nines nodded, watching Gavin through the mirror on the front of his medicine cabinet, his blue eyes serious as ever. "But they are still not sure whether the virus can survive inside our biocomponents. The protein is apparently too similar. I won’t get sick, but I could spread it.”

"That's their wording of 'we know shit about this'," Gavin rolled his eyes. Suddenly, he was painfully aware of his coffee-stained home shirt and old, worn sweatpants he was in, and the morning breath he no doubts still got.

“Probably,” Nines agree with him with a smile, airdrying his hands by waving them around while he headed into Gavin’s living room, setting down a small bag containing his possessions next to the couch. “And for as long as it takes them to figure their shit, I was asked to stay somewhere where I would come to no contact with androids or people. Since I still live at the station and I don’t want to expose Lieutenant Anderson or Connor to the virus, I hoped I could stay here until we’re deemed safe to move around.”

"Yeah, I figured that," Gavin nodded, hopping up on the stool by his breakfast bar, watching the android take in the unknown environment. 

“It will have an added advantage of us being able to collaborate on the cases we have yet to finish with.”

“You don’t need to sugar-coat it for me, Nines,” Gavin rolled his eyes, rubbing a stain adorning the top of the bar absent-mindedly. Nines probably hated his messy appearance and his messy apartment already, and the stain was not adding any appeal to that. “As long as you don’t kill me in my sleep…”

Nines rose an eyebrow at him, looking mildly confused. Gavin knew exactly why. He probably expected Gavin to throw a tantrum about absolutely not sharing his living space with his partner, insisting on the “not getting personal” rule. And usually, that would be the case. Gavin would never allow Nines to stay with him, not under any normal circumstances. He’d be too close. Gavin was not willing to let anyone else into his life. The risk, the pain was not worth it.

But the circumstances were hardly normal now. Nines literally had no other place to stay. Their work would suffer greatly. And so would Gavin. He’d literally get mad, should he be alone in this apartment with nothing but some work and his own thoughts. Having a company, a quiet, down to Earth company, who he trusted somehow, would be a great help in staying sane until this shit is done and over with.

But he’d never tell Nines and Nines didn’t ask. He just gave him this long, curious look, before nodding slowly.

"I see. Well, I can assure you, I don't intend to murder you in your sleep. I also don't plan to be of any nuisance to you. You won't even know I'm here most of the time."

“Nines,” Gavin rolled his eyes. “It’s fine, really. I don’t hate you. I don’t even mind you. You’re fine.”

This was probably the first time Gavin said out loud that he does not outright despise the quiet android. Nines looked a little taken aback by that, but ultimately, he rose one corner of his lips in an unmerry, artificial smile.

“Why thank you, the sentiment is shared, detective.”

Gavin leaned his elbows back on the breakfast bar, studying the android carefully, and the android looked back at him. The moment felt strangely intimate- just two of them, staring at one another at an empty apartment they'll be sharing for days to come until they are deemed fit to serve the society once again.

Somehow, Gavin got a feeling that this was it. This was the moment they’ll cement their partnership, or the moment that’ll drive them apart forever.

It was scary.

It was also usually the part when he fucked up, with something utterly idiotic that would ultimately chase, chase, chase the person away. Because he was either too much or not enough, or he was just so entirely wrong and unstable and- 

And to his own surprise, he realised he does not want the second option to happen. He didn’t want to fuck this one up. Whatever he had with Nines, despite being seemingly casual and cold was about the only working relationship in his life. Probably because he did what he could to not delve deeper, to keep it shallow.

He was not sure whether that was a good or bad thing. Or what all of that even was. Nines was still wearing this strange half-smile and it was almost charming. Almost. Not really. But it could be if Gavin would allow himself to be charmed by it.

But hell no.

He slid off the barstool.

“I’m off to shower,” he told the android. “Don’t burn the apartment while I’m in there, okay? I know it’s shitty, but it’s the only thing I have.”

“I’ll try my best, detective.”

One quick shower and a change to a better t-shirt and a nicer pair of sweats later, Gavin caught Nines sitting at the barstool he just left, spinning at it.

Gavin had to laugh at the sight of CyberLife’s state of the art android, spinning on a simple barstool chair like a five- year old would. But somehow, it was endearing, heart-warming even, to see Nines amuse himself in this simple way. Gavin figured the android has probably never encountered any such stool and was wrapping his head around the concept. Nines always seemed strangely curious around those little quippy things human tended to have around. Like that time he tried his best to understand the concept of paperweights. Truth to be told, Gavin was not much of help there. If he ever had any paperweight, it was probably lost under the towers of paper on his table.

“Enjoying the spin, tin can?” he asked. Nines caught the rim of the bar to stop himself and looked a bit embarrassed for being caught spinning.

"I'm quite intrigued. It seems rather unpractical to have a stool that’s spinning. Why would you have such a thing?”

“Dunno, it’s a thing, I guess. Also makes sitting down easier, I guess. You sit and you spin yourself towards the bar. No need for the awkward shuffling between the stool and the bar,” Gavin explained with a shrug. Nines furrowed his brows at the slightest as he thought about it for a bit.

“It makes some sense, I guess,” he concluded slowly. “Definitely more than plushies do.”

“Economy has to run on something, I guess,” Gavin shrugged again. “If everyone bought only what they need to live, we wouldn’t get all that far.”

“I don’t think this is how it works,” Nines scrunched his nose in doubt as he spun around once more, for a good measure.

“Neither do I,” Gavin confessed, as he fished out a carton of orange juice out of the fridge and drank some straight from the container, not bothering himself with a glass.

“Disgusting,” Nines mumbled. 

“Hey, I live alone for more than a decade now!”

“You live with me now, temporarily, at least.”

“Well, it’s not like you can drink juice, anyways. Unless I’m dipping my tongue in your thirium, it’s none of your concern how I drink my juice.”

“But it’s still unsightly.”

“Unsightly is like… my second name,” Gavin said, just to spite the android a bit.

“I figured that out by the state of your table long ago, detective,” Nines fucking rolled his eyes at him, and where was this personality coming from, all of the sudden? Guess that was what one gets when spiting an android.

“Touché,” Gavin admitted, raising his hand in resignation.

"Besides, it's not yourself who is unsightly," Nines continued. "Not now when you got rid of that coffee-stained shirt. It's the environment you created among yourself. And since Detective Gavin I-create-unsightly-surroundings Reed is quite a mouthful, may I suggest you abandon the second name entirely?”

Gavin stood there dumbfounded by this backhanded compliment, the carton still in his hand. Then he shook his head and returned it to the fridge, this time pulling out some eggs, fixing himself a quick breakfast and some coffee. Nines watched him for a bit, but then, he got bored and went to grab a book from his bag. Gavin smirked when he saw the title, but only spoke up about it when he sat down next to Nines with his eggs and toasts.

“Harry Potter, huh?”

“Connor brags on and on about it. I figured I’ll give it a shot,” Nines answered, eyes still on the lines on the pages.

“Connor is right for once,” Gavin nodded. “Shit’s practically been my childhood.”

"I heard it was quite an influential book," Nines noted absentmindedly.

“Understatement of the year,” Gavin snickered as he left the android to his reading, moving to clean the kitchen before they get their workload from DPD.

The day after that was quite ordinary. Each of them very busy with the work of their own, doing paperwork and writing reports. Nines seemed to take permanent residence at Gavin's breakfast bar he cleaned for himself, and only occasionally spoke up to consult Gavin, or answered when Gavin asked him something. It was quite pleasant, this little home office of theirs. Once again, Gavin was not sure whether that was a good or bad thing. But it was a thing, and it felt good enough, so he left it at that.

In the evening, Gavin finally shut down his notebook and scrolled through his library of movies, trying to pick one. Nines, who was still glued to the barstool, reading, reluctantly asked whether he could join him, explaining that watching movies is something he doesn't do all that often since he does not enjoy watching them alone.

"Movies are much more quick-paced than books. The character changes are much more sudden there, motivations often veiled, or glossed over and I often need a bit of help to understand them properly,” he confessed when he sat down on the couch next to Gavin.

“I’d say most of the movies were created to be watched together, anyways,” Gavin grunted as he searched, “while games and books are much more individual experience.”

In the end, Gavin settled on Seven, thinking that maybe choosing a detective genre may help Nines delve deeper into it and save him from answering questions that may hit too close home.

He was not wrong, and yet he was. Nines was absolutely confused about why John Doe even murdered people in the first place. As they debated on and on about it, Gavin slowly realised he himself can’t understand the motivations properly or can’t at least explain them, now he was forced to really think about them. It filled with this really alien, weird feeling in his stomach.

“That’s just how the things are sometimes, Nines. We can’t always understand one another fully. Our minds differ. Or experiences differ. We all have our own reason, and they may differ so radically we cannot understand one another. While in our eyes, what he did was fucked up and disgusting, in his eyes, it was justifiable. Necessary, maybe. He wanted to send a message. He knew he'll be detested. He knew he'd be pursued by the law. But he saw some purpose in his doing, and it was greater than him," Gavin said in the end. Nines listened to him quietly and stayed quiet for a long, long time.

“But what is the meaning of the law, then?” he finally asked.

“You’re going full Socrates on me, Nines,” Gavin rolled his eyes, leaning to grab the remote control and turn the TV off.

"But as detectives, shouldn't we know what the meaning of the law is if we protect it?" Nines continued, not quite done with the debate yet.

Gavin had to agree there. He thought for a bit, back to the lessons on the law school, concerning the philosophy of justice. 

“Some people may not care about being penalised, but most of them do. Us people are concerned with what other thinks about us. If you break the law, you’re bad. You’ll be punished, yes. But even after your punishment ends, you’ll be forever labelled as the one who broke the law. You’ll be considered dangerous. Stigmatised. You won’t be able to live as you want anymore. That’s what most people fear, deep down. That’s why we have law and that’s why it functions. In my take, at least. But the opinions differ, from person to person.”

“I see,” Nines said slowly. “I think I’ll read something about it, then. This… the problem never occurred to me before."

“You do that, tin can,” Gavin smirked at him. “Who knows, perhaps you’ll be a philosopher one day.”

Nines seemed to be amused by the idea.

“I don’t think philosophy and law enforcement go hand in hand, but who knows,” he concluded. “Perhaps philosophy holds lessons I could benefit from.”

They talked a bit more after that, mostly about what they’ll need to work on tomorrow. Gavin was already tired and was just about to resort to the silence of his bedroom when he realised something.

“Should I get you a blanket or something?”

“A blanket?” Nines wondered from his seat at the couch. “Why would I need a blanket for you?”

“I don’t know, comfort? I still don’t know whether you tin cans sleep or no.”

Nines seemed to be amused by the idea.

“We don’t sleep as such. It’s… probably the closest thing to what you humans do with your computer. You turn them off to kill the processes stalking in the background and to knock down the temperature and elongate their lifespan, right? Even when they could just run nonstop.”

Not sure what he’s expected to say, Gavin simply nodded, leaning on the doorframe, listening to Nines as he continued with his explanation.

"We do something similar. Although we could just run for an undefined amount of time, we are advised to enter the stasis every so often. It is recommended to do so once a day, for two to three hours to cool down properly, but we could run non-stop for about a week before minor errors start to pop up.”

"Uh-huh," Gavin nodded, a bit drowned in the information, already pretty worn out from the heavy debate they've just had. "So, you want a blanket a pillow or not?"

“I don’t know what purpose they should serve me.”

“Comfort.”

“Oh,” Nines looked down at his hands, resting on his knees. “I guess I could try, then.”

Gavin was about to ask, but then, he didn’t, and he just brought his spare blanket and pillow for Nines. He looked a bit weirded out by them, but accepted them nevertheless, before wishing Gavin a good night.

Gavin laid awake for quite a while, not all that tired without the usual running around he did at the station, and though about Nines, who was, strangely enough, just one room away, before falling asleep, at last.

The first few days of their quarantine were gone in a flash, and should Gavin be honest with himself, it was quite nice to wake up when he wanted, eat when he wanted, work when he wanted and all that jazz. Nines mostly kept to himself, the same way he did at the station, and together, they quickly tackled previously never-ending mountain of paperwork and leftover documentation that called their name. They even joined the precinct meeting on the new android crime legislature, Markus’ most recent success, thought the webcam of Gavin's notebook, which was kind of awkward because Nines had to sit really, really close to him to fit into the frame. Naturally, being a walking computer, Nines had no need for his own computer. When they appeared on the meeting room’s screen, Gavin could hear some muffled laughter, but wisely chose to ignore it, as well as he decided to ignore Tina’s teasing message about them both looking good together. However, the tease was forgotten when Tina brought him a bag of fresh groceries and left it at his doorstep, along with a bottle of thirium for Nines. She was not allowed to see him because of this whole quarantine situation, but she happily supplied Gavin with the newest gossip on the station and didn't fail to mention how the lack of hostility in the precinct makes the work much less fun.

Her very own way of saying she missed him. Despite her not being an exception to Gavin’s rule of not letting anyone too close, she found a way of sneaking under his barriers. If there was one person who willingly spent time with him, and who managed to grow a bit closer to him, it was Officer Tina Chen.

Well, there was also Chris, but he was more of an acquaintance he shared jokes and complaints with rather than a proper friend. And then, there was Anderson, of course. But Gavin would rather not think about that. Not now.

But soon, there was no work left to do and the little help Gavin was asked to provide every now and then was not nearly enough to fill his whole day. So hour by hour, as the unwanted thoughts emerged in the absence of having to do something meaningful, something he could busy himself with and feel useful.

To add to the sour mood, Gavin’s first test on the new virus came out as a positive, which meant, of course, more time in quarantine, more time being locked between those four walls, more time not being productive, not having anything to occupy himself with. There was also the ever-rising risk of the illness manifesting itself. Gavin held his fingers crossed to not develop any severe symptoms.

However, the mere threat of the still very much unknown illness hung over him, still very present, and it was bugging him.

And with every passing day, Gavin was turning quieter and quieter, wandering through the apartment with empty, bored eyes, scrolling down his phone, reading the news again and again and again absent-mindedly, flipping through a book without really reading, or just staring out of the window as the bad memories emerged back to torture him and to remind him of how pestilent and insignificant and unwanted and useless he is, always has been and will forever be, thinking of the past failures and damaged, destroyed relationships and missed chances and all the reasons he was alone and he chose to be alone.

And Nines, not being an idiot, was, of course, noticing it.

They still watched movies together, but instead of trying to provide some insight into whatever stroke the android as strange or challenging to grasp, Gavin just groaned or threw an accusatory “How the fuck should I know,” in android’s general direction.

By the beginning of their second week in quarantine, all the job was done, and Gavin just sat there, most of the day, isolated from the world he didn't know he needed so badly to keep his sanity intact, his old traumas, old wounds, the ghost of his past hovering over him as he was going over and over and over over every single thing he has ever said, as he reminisced over every single mistake has ever done, as he thought back to all his failures. He did not eat much- saw no purpose there. The only thing awaiting him tomorrow was just another day of sitting in his flat, either napping to escape his own dark thoughts or just sitting there, desperate to not drown in them.

And Nines could see it, he could. Gavin could see the mildly curious, and then increasingly concerned look he was giving him when he though Gavin was not looking. Being Nines, he, of course, tried to talk to him about it, but Gavin pushed, pushed, pushed away until Nines stopped trying. He always eventually did. As did everyone who always walked away from Gavin, out of his life, damning his very name.

Well, Gavin was not blaming them. He was a shitty person. He truly was. His whole worth was in the job he was sort of good in. And now, being rid of the only way he could contribute to the normal, working society, that was working his best to protect those who were not as shitty as him, who had normal, nice life with meaning, Gavin was lost.

So he just sat there, staring into nothingness. And nothingness stared back, infinite, dark, scary, threatening to gobble him up any minute now.

He was a failure. Dad always told him he was useless. Gavin did his best to prove him wrong. But his best was not enough, and would you look at it, dad was right.

By the end of day twelve in their quarantine, Gavin did not sleep or eat, the numbness spreading from his head to his whole body. Raising a single finger seemed to be an impossible, exasperating task. Breathing was becoming obnoxious, annoying, the tips of his toes turning cold, heart beating irregularly, slowly as if in covered in honey, brain wrapped in a silvery haze. Somewhere deep inside his mind, there was an alarming voice sounding suspiciously Hank-like, telling him to snap out of it, snap out of it, get his head back in the game, that he is not helping anyone like this, and least of all himself.

But Gavin just shook his head at those well-meant words, too far gone to listen, not wanting to listen at this point. He wanted to be gone, gone, gone.

But there was some other obnoxious voice attacking his ears, a very real, very close voice and Jesus fucking Christ, someone is shaking him, and why is someone shaking him, can’t they just fucking leave him alone? Is that too much to ask?

With an annoyed groan that barely came through because of how dry his throat was, he opened his eyes. A familiar face with a pair of narrow, serious blue eyes, and a pair of strong arms clutching his shoulder.

“-tective Reed. Detective Reed! Gavin. Say something, Gavin.”

Slowly, painfully slowly, almost sluggishly, he recognised Nines. The android has been so quiet for the last two days Gavin almost completely forgot he’s in the flat with him, as he was so deeply immersed into his own problems, into his whole mind, desperate to run from everything, but mostly to himself- since he had nowhere else to run.

He felt a sharp sting of a slap on his cheek and that did the trick, finally fully waking him from his lethargy. He blinked at the android owlishly.

“Are you there?” the android asked, tapping his forehead lightly. Gavin’s back was leaning against cold tiles of his shower stand. 

When did he get there? Why was he there?

“Y- yeah. What’s happening? Why am I in the shower?”

“I was about to ask you the same question, honestly.”

Gavin frowned as he thought about it. His eyes fell on the door. The door handle and the whole locking mechanism was missing entirely. Nines, sitting cross-legged on the bathroom floor, as flawless as ever, followed his gaze, and he looked really embarrassed for some reason.

“I’m sorry about that. I’ll fix it later.”

"You broke in?" Gavin gaped at him.

"I had to," Nines nodded, and it sounded so sincere and serious it made Gavin's heart- weird, he tried to kill it for so long, or at least cover it up with veils and hide it behind tall, thick walls- skip a beat. "You were there for impossibly long time. At first, I thought you were just in the bedroom, but when I went to check on you, you weren't there and then I figured…" He looked down for a bit, but then licked his lips and looked Gavin straight into the eye: "You've been locked there for about eight hours now, Gavin. If I count correctly."

“Oh,” was all Gavin was able to say, as he hugged his knees, resting his chin on them. “Well, I’m fine. You can leave me alone now.”

But this time, Nines did not budge. He stayed right where he was, staring at Gavin with those impossibly blue eyes- the eyes that usually looked like they were made of steel, but were much softer now, like a sea when the storm is coming up. 

“You heard me, tin can? I said you can go now,” Gavin repeated sternly.

Nines should have never seen this. Nobody should have ever seen this.

He could be snappy. He could be mean. Angry. Mad. He could push everyone away, away, away. But nobody was never allowed to see him like this when he was the most vulnerable. When he craved a warm touch, a nice word. Because he'd attach. He'd develop feeling. He'd start a relationship, another unnecessary, stupid relationship that would ultimately lead to more disappointment, more pain, more screaming, and more heartbreak.

Gavin was not having any of that shit. Not anymore.

“No, I don’t think I will,” Nines said quietly. “Not until you do something with yourself.”

“What the fuck, Nines?” Gavin groaned in annoyance.

"I've been tolerating this self-destruction of yours long enough now, detective Reed. This is where I figuratively put my feet down."

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Gavin frowned at the android, and he frowned back, giving as good as he was given.

“You do. All too well. And you better do something about it, or this will end up badly. For both of us. Because I'm your partner. Because I need you functional. Because despite how desperately you try to keep me at arm's length, detective Reed, I care."

Gavin collected himself from the ground, standing up slowly, leaning on the wall when his knees threatened to buckle under him.

“I’m not letting a piece of plastic giving me fucking life lessons,” he snarled, but Nines too was already on his feet, standing in the door out of the bathroom.

“Move.”

“No. I won’t hesitate to physically restraint you until at least try running from your problems, detective.”

“You fucking try that, and I’ll tear out all of your processors and sent you back to the precinct in fourteen separate boxes.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Nines responded in a voice so cold that it sent shivers down Gavin’s spine.

Gavin measured the six feet and three inches of functional, lean muscle blocking his way out of the bathroom with a critical eye of a guy who had been to one too many bar brawls and quickly concluded that he had no chance to win this fight. So he took a step back, crossing his arms on his chest, thinking of a different approach. The last thing he was in the mood for was dealing with right now was a stubborn android standing between him and his bed, and preferably another lock the android would have to tamper with before getting to him. 

“What’s your game, here, Nines? What exactly are you trying to achieve?”

“I’m trying to behave like a decent person and help you. Because you have a problem. You know it, I know it, everyone and their mother knows it. And it’s about time you address those.”

“And what do you happen to know about that, huh? What do you even know about me, huh?”

Gavin was yelling. God, why was he yelling?

The android in the doorway rubbed his temples in an annoyed manner, taking an unnecessary deep breath. Gavin tried to slip around him when he closed his eyes for the briefest moment, but an extended arm effectively stopped him. Nines grabbed him by the shoulder, and it was not exactly the gentlest of grips.

“I tried so bad to learn about you, Gavin, but you never allowed me to,” Nines spat out, exasperated. “You keep declining my polite, and then my more forceful attempts to get to know you, but then you started getting aggressive and-“

“Aggressive? Well, look who is talking!” Gavin cried out, wincing in pain when Nines squeezed his shoulders with more power than he probably realised. “Besides, there is a fucking reason I didn’t let you any closer. I’m not worth getting close to. I just always fuck up. Badly. And you are a piece of plastic, anyways. Why should I care? Why would you care?”

He felt tears stinging at the corners of his eyes and saying that it was from how tightly Nines was grasping his shoulder would be a lie.

Nines finally let go of his shoulder but made sure he still stood in the doorway, blocking Gavin's way out.

“Is this why you are like this? Because you are not worth getting close to?” he repeated quietly, eyes widening in sudden realisation as he stared on angry tears piling up in corners of Gavin’s eyes.

He said too much, he said too much, he fucking said too much. No. No. This was not happening. This will never be happening. Gavin won't allow this. Never. Ever. He had sworn to himself that the last time was the last one ever. He promised himself that he'd never let anyone harm him again. That he would never allow anyone to harm him again. He worked hard to build those walls, and Nines can't just waltz into his life and tore them down with those sincere, concerned blue eyes, with his perfect face, with this snappy sense of humour, with his brilliantness.

No. No.

“Detective Reed,” Nines started softly, reaching out to touch his shoulder, but Gavin pushed the hand away harshly.

“Don’t touch me,” he cried out, and it sounded broken. Desperate. He turned away from the android, away, away, away, to hide his ugly crying face, trying not to show his shaking shoulders, choking back his loud, hiccupy sobs.

“Gavin,” Nines tried again, addressing him by his first name this time, even more gently. Gavin had no idea his voice could sound like this. He envied him, he envied him his perfection. He envied him how easy he had had it. He was awoken into this world as a blank slate, no family to drag him, no ties whatsoever, free to be whoever he wants to be, wherever.

And still, he was trapped in this goddamn apartment because of some fucker who supposedly gave them some stupid virus, and had to deal with the idiotic, stupid, meaningless detective who he was partnered up with, and he was just trying to be a good person, probably, while out there, there was a whole wide world of worthy, whole, full people ready to teach Nines about the wonders and beauties of life. If there were any, that is.

It was so stupid. So stupid, really. Gavin almost felt sorry for the poor thing.

“Gavin,” Nines repeated. A shy hand touched Gavin’s back, and it felt warm, so very warm and so nice that Gavin just wanted it to stay there, or even better, to be wrapped by a pair of steady arms, just _being_ there for him, this once.

But no. No. No. He was not allowing his. This was a no-go zone. Nines was a no-go zone. He was too good of a person for Gavin to stain with his shittiness.

“Gavin,” Nines repeated his name again. A heavy, steady hand fell on his other shoulder. Gavin sobbed loudly. “Let me- just let me help you, Gavin. That’s all I ask. Please.”

And honestly, Gavin would have to made of stone to resist that. And as much as he hated to deny it, he wasn’t.

A strong arm wrapped itself around his waist as Gavin turned to bury his face in the soft fabric of Nines sweater as he sobbed again. 

He didn’t even know how he ended up on the couch, pressing himself tightly to Nines, who held him patiently, running his hand through Gavin’s hair as he sobbed, let it out all, let it all out, let it all out at once, because he’ll never, ever, have a chance like this ever after, he will never have the safety, the haven Nines was kindly providing him with him now, because Nines will walk out on him, away, away, away, away from the mess he is, away from how rotten, how bad, how shit of a person Gavin actually is. So he craved, gulped down every sip of that warm, that steadiness, that comfort Nines offered, desperate for every second of it.

“You’re running a fever,” Nines sighed somewhere amidst of all of this, wrapping the blanket more tightly around Gavin. “No wonder you feel so bad.”

Yes, this was all Gavin was to Nines. Pitiful, silly little human, who was sick and disturbed. A distraction in the boredom of their shared quarantine, a mere pet project. He'll eventually laugh on him, rub it into his face, kick him into the curb and walk, walk, walk away.

Everyone does, eventually, no matter how kind they seem.

But for now, once in his life, Gavin allowed himself to have this. For once, now, he was allowed to be selfish, to act without thinking about tomorrow. He will deal with whatever the tomorrow brings tomorrow when he soaks this all in. When he feels better.

And with that, he fell into a deep, deep sleep, tired of all of his torment, of his own pain, int merciful darkness, confident that this once in his life, he has someone who's watching for him.

When he woke up in what felt like a blink of an eye, Nines was still holding him, arms wrapped tightly around him, blue eyes keenly watching.

“Hi,” the android greeted him quietly.

“Hey,” Gavin croaked back, his throat so dry that it felt raw.

Well, there was no saving himself from the embarrassment of this all anyways, He fucked up already anyway. Now all he had to do was to brace himself for the aftermath. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, how are you feeling?”

“Shitty as hell. Head hurts,” Gavin confessed truthfully, throwing all his caution out the window.

"I thought that maybe a case," Nines nodded sincerely. "You are running a high fever. From what I've gathered, it is not pleasant for you humans."

"Rub it in, why doncha, asshole," Gavin mumbled. They were still on the couch, tangled together under one blanket. Nines likely didn't sleep- or stasis, or whatever shit it was he was supposedly doing- and probably will have a good laugh about how much of a mess Gavin is with Connor later.

“I was not meaning to,” the android responded.

“Whatever,” Gavin grunted as he struggled to get into a seating position, or really any position when he wasn’t sprawled all over the android underneath. His limbs felt heavy, but eventually, he managed. Nines followed the suit and now, they were both sitting next to one another on the couch. Gavin stared at the tip of his bare feet as he felt Nines gaze burn into his skull.

He was waiting for him to say something, no doubt.

“Erm… sorry for the thing earlier,” Gavin scrambled up. “I don’t usually just fall apart on people, you know- and… yeah.”

"I'm not mad at you," Nines replied. "Not by afar. Or maybe not for what you think I am.”

“Huh?” Gavin rose his head, and indeed, Nines was staring at him, right into his soul.

“You should rest, Gavin. The fever… it’s still pretty high, and your emotional state does not help that.” He smirked. “Or rather, the fever did not help your emotional state.”

Having nothing to add to that, Gavin lowered his head again, pulling the blanket around his shoulders a bit closer, suddenly feeling cold.

It must have been that goddamn virus, he figured quickly. His quickly worsening mental state probably helped it to manifest, and in turn, the fever worsened his mental state. No doubt he was feeling shittier than usual, beside the oblivious.

“I’ll make you some tea,” Nines offered. “You’ll be resting today, and you’ll be taking care of yourself. I’ll see to it. I’m so done with your bullshit, Gavin. You are not doing this to yourself. Not on my watch.”

With that, the android stood up and went to the kitchen. Gavin let out a frustrated groan, letting his pounding head fall backwards on the cushions.

But hey, if Nines wanted to play nurse, why the hell should he protest? He might as well enjoy the care for as long as Nines is locked here with him. He had made a fool of himself already, anyway, so what more there was to lose?

After some clattering and rummaging, Gavin heard the warm, familiar sound of a boiling kettle, and soon enough, Nines was back at the couch, clutching a cup of steaming liquid, passing it to Gavin, who accepted it, gratefully wrapping his hands around in, seeping in the precious warmth.

“Let’s watch a movie,” Nines suggested as he sat back to the couch and reached for the remote. “You can nap if you want. I'll be there, all the time.”

“Creep,” Gavin mumbled, but secretly, he was grateful.

Maybe Nines did care, after all, at least a bit. Gavin dared to hope. It was a feeling long forgotten, and the sudden warmth spreading through his chest caught him by surprise.

But then, would Nines caring be a good thing? All this will eventually lead to will be pain and anguish, and more pain. So, Gavin chased, chased, chased the hope away, shooing at it like it was a wild animal. It disappeared immediately, back to the thorny bushes of his mind.

He felt even colder without it, and he tried to swallow the bitterness, as he leaned back to watch Harry Potter and Philosophers Stone that Nines just put in, out cold before he even managed to finish his tea. As a pair of gentle hands plucked the cooling mug away, and a warm arm hugged him around shoulders, pulling him closer, Gavin dizzily allowed his head to fall on Nines' shoulder. 

He can always blame it on his illness later.

He woke up somewhere in the middle of the Chamber of Secrets. Nines held him tightly to his side.

“I’ve asked Connor to bring something that’ll get your fever down a bit. I also looked up what should I do with you, and you should, first of all, drink more water. Much more water,” Nines told dizzy Gavin matter-of-factly. "How do you feel?"

“Been better,” Gavin told him. “But I’ll live.”

“Of course you will. You will be alright in no time,” Nines promised, blue eyes soft as he reached out to caress Gavin’s sweat-stuck hair. “I’ll see to it, personally.”

The next day, or what at least felt like a day, Gavin spent in a hazy nap on the couch. Nines sometimes woke him up to force him to drink some water or give him a pill. Gavin's only measure of the passing time was the scenes in the movies- Nines apparently decided that it's a good time for Harry Potter marathon. 

And then came a strange moment. Gavin woke up, head as clear as blue skies, fever gone and along with it, the silvery mist clouding his mind and more importantly, his judgement. He was sprawled on the couch, the TV was quiet and dark, and so was the room.

Something didn’t quite add up. Gavin furrowed his eyebrows. His sickness left a funny taste in his mouth and his skin felt disgusting, sticky, hair all clammy. On the table, there was a full glass of cold, wonderful water and Gavin gulped it down, enjoying the soothing feeling.

Only then it clicked.

He was alone. Nines were nowhere to be seen.

Wait.

Nines.

"Oh crap!" Gavin cried out when it all came back to him. His slow descend into _the bad place_. The haze. The struggle with himself. Nines picking him up in the bathroom, claiming he’s done tolerating his self- destruction or whatever bullshit. The ugly crying, and how Nines held him, patient, gentle, caring, just… there. How he took care of him, forcing water down his throat, wiping sweat off his forehead.

“Crap, crap, crap!” he cried again, burying his face in his hands.

Now he has done it. Now he has truly fucked up. Really, and truly.

“Are you alright?”

Nines was standing in the balcony door, eyebrows rose in question, picture-perfect as always. Gavin quickly lifted his head and tried to keep his cool.

“Y-yeah,” he stuttered, far too quickly, too nervous.

Fuck it, he was in too deep.

Nines sighed, stepping back into the flat, moving back to sit on the barstool chair he seemed to love so much, spinning on it nonchalantly again.

“What were you doing out there?” Gavin pointed at the balcony. 

“I went to check on your plant. Unfortunately, it’s irreversibly dead. And then I noticed the view. It’s quite nice.”

A heavy silence fell in between them. Nines kept on looking at Gavin with uttermost curiosity, while Gavin lowered his head, busying himself by folding the corner of the blanket. Back and forth, back and forth, like a harmonica.

"Officer Chen called, and she sounded quite worried. You should probably call her back if you feel better," Nines suggested.

“Yeah, I probably will,” Gavin mumbled.

He found himself unable to look the android in the eye.

God, he screwed this up. Coming undone like this, forcing his weakness onto Nines, still somehow innocent in his eyes, still so new into all of this, dragging him in, into his problems, into the emotional turmoil, pain, into disappointment and all those ugly, bad things Gavin had been bottling up for so long, and why, why, why was he like this-

“Easy, Gavin. Breath.”

There it was once again, a steady hand on his shoulder, warm, gentle. Gavin dared to raise his eyes and indeed, there he was, kneeling beside him, lips pressed into a thin line, dark hair falling into his blue, deep eyes.

Shit, he was gorgeous. There was no ignoring it anymore.

“Calm down, Gavin,” Nines said. “Slow and steady. You are safe. Nobody’s going to hurt you.”

It was only now Gavin had realised he was hyperventilating, shoulder rising and falling heavily, heart beating so fast it threatened to jump out of his ribcage, now suddenly very livid.

He was about to have a panic attack, another mental breakdown, another added baggage, another bullshit. And he was shit, shit, shit, because he was not able to keep it together and-

"Come on, Gavin. On the count of three, deep breath in…. there you go…" Nines instructed him, voice unwavering, one hand still on Gavin's shoulder as he gestured gracefully with his other. The movement was beautiful. Mesmerizing. Calming.

Gavin listened to that deep, deep voice and watched those long, elegant fingers swim through the air. Slowly, slowly, slowly, his breathing evened out, wonderful, crisp air filling his lungs as his heart calmed down, steady and very much beating.

“There you go,” Nines offered him an encouraging smile, and Gavin shyly responded to it, although it felt more like a grin. He was not used to smiling nicely, not anymore. Smirking, grinning, anything wicked or mischievous, he could pull off. But a smile, a genuine, unforced smile- no, not really. He’d bet he was even worse than Connor was before he deviated.

But Nines smiled easily. Beautifully. Effortlessly.

“Are you feeling a bit better?” Nines asked him, genuine concern colouring his voice. It was a new tone.

“A bit, yeah,” Gavin nodded.

“Good. Take a shower, you stink. I’ll get you something to eat, how about that?” Nines offered him, and to tell the truth, that did not sound so bad. Gavin was willing to take this, even when it was only temporary. Even if it should end with disaster, for now, for now at least, let him have this. The feeling of someone caring, even if it’s just because Nines was condemned in between those four walls with him. Even when he will, eventually, as everyone did, walk away.

So Gavin hopped into the shower, washed his hair, scrubbed himself clean and got some clean clothes. Nines was waiting for him with a plate full of hot, steaming soup. Gavin's stomach rumbled when he smelled it and then devoured it, not even caring when he burned his tongue. Nines smirked at him as he watched him gobble it up ungracefully, and immediately poured him some more when he was done with the first plate.

“Your appetite is back, good,” he noted, and he looked happy about that. He was probably relieved that he won’t have to take care of his sick, emotionally unstable partner anymore.

“It’s superb, Nines! Did you cook it?” Gavin praised him when he was finally done with his second plate, full and satisfied.

Nines shook his head with a soft chuckle.

“No. I can’t cook. You can thank Connor for that one. He brought it earlier for you.”

Gavin looked back into his plate.

“That’s… awfully nice of him,” he said slowly.

Why would Connor be bringing him a soup? It made no sense. Gavin never did anything good to Connor. He tolerated him, yes, but that was about that. They were no friends. 

“What’s the matter, Gavin?” Nines asked, noticing Gavin’s sudden quietness.

“It’s- I- Why would Connor do this for me?”

It was probably leftovers. It had to be. Or something Anderson refused to eat. Idiot Anderson.

“Because he’s worried…?” Nines suggested with a visible confusion on his pretty face. “Despite what you may think, Gavin, there are some people who care for you. Even if you do your best to push them away.”

There was a wry, meaningful smile on Nines’ face as he reached out to grab Gavin’s hand where it was laying on the table. At first, Gavin wanted to pull back. To run and hide, and push, push, push Nines away, as he always did. Because he was worried. Of not being enough. Of being too much. Of being betrayed. Of being left behind.

But Nines reassuringly squeezed his hand, and Gavin could not even remember when the last time was someone held his hand like this, so tenderly. Hesitating, he left the hand where it was, and just rolled with it.

They just sat there for a while, hand in hand, and for a moment, the world seemed alright. Because this was Nines who he was with. Wonderful, curious, quiet Nines, who looked distant and cold and so goddamn threatening. His partner Nines, who, despite how much Gavin tried, broke right through his barriers and right into Gavin’s life.

So, let him have this until he's inevitably gone, gone, gone, as everyone who Gavin ever loved was.

The life in Gavin’s apartment soon turned back to normal.

Well, almost.

Nines didn’t let Gavin push him away. He tried his very best to be there for Gavin while not being forceful. Gavin was surprised by how much effort did the android poured into this, how considerate he was trying to be, and even when he was still a bit forceful in the end, Gavin simply couldn’t be mad at him.

Besides, it was not like he didn’t enjoy the attention and the company. For the first time in what felt like years, someone was simply there, there, there for Gavin.

Instead of his usual place at the barstool by the breakfast bar, Nines was now sitting on a couch, or on a pillow on the ground, back leaning on the couch or on Gavin’s legs as they watched a movie together, or while reading, or just sitting with his eyes closed. Gavin never asked, but Nines still bestowed to him that he was watching videos or listening to music.

“You can watch Youtube in your head? That’s pretty wicked,” Gavin noted.

“I can do so much more than just that. Read the reports. Update my database. Talk to Connor or send messages.”

“I get it, I get it,” Gavin waved his hand dismissively. “You tin cans are superior species.”

“Please, don’t forget we’d never exist without you humans.”

“Well, nobody has ever said the creation can’t be better than the creator,” Gavin said, frowning. Nines leaned back, practically laying his head into Gavin’s lap as he looked detective into the eye.

“You are comparing what cannot be compared,”

“Really? Why is that?”

“For one, we are mere simulations of what you are. Many of us never reach the emotional depth of human. Or we think we don’t. It’s hard to tell when you never were human,” Nines explained patiently. His smooth forehead was crinkled with thoughtful wrinkles.

“Why would you worry yourselves with that?” Gavin wondered loudly, trying not to think about the weight on his lap.

“Because, despite what you think, Gavin, even us androids have our own pet peeves. Even we worry we are not enough.”

“Yeah, I get that, but why worry? Why try to be more human, when your kind fought so hard to establish themselves as their own?” Gavin asked, trying to understand what the android was trying to tell him, because heck, they never talked about this. Well, not that they ever talked about feelings.

“Jericho fought to be given equal rights, not to differentiate the species. In some sense, you could say we were doing exactly what we were once created to be- humans, but not made out of flesh. Being on par with them is the recognition we strived for. We were, after all, created with humans in mind,” was the immediate answer. This was apparently something Nines did think about often, or at least very hard.

“So, you are trying to be the best non-human human?”

“You could put it like this,” Nines nodded after a brief, pregnant pause. “We are doing our best not to differentiate from you. To simulate you.”

“There is nothing desirable on being human. It’s… pretty shitty.”

“But you can choose to make it better, no? Or try, at least. Isn't choice an integral part of human life? Most of us were not given that before the revolution. Now, we do. And if we made our life shit, it's ours and our fault only.”

“You are lucky bastards. To be born into this world, without ties, with this kind of freedom at your fingertips…” Gavin sighed, kind of envious of that, actually. He could have been someone else, someone happier, someone who was more of a person and less of a sack of shit, had it not been for- No. He’s not going there.

"Or it could be scary," Nines opposed him softly. "Despite being much more knowledgeable than a human child, we desperately lack guidance or direction. I was lucky that Connor took an interest in me. Connor was lucky that he got Lieutenant Anderson. Markus was lucky to become so dear to Mr Manfred. But most of us- we are thrown into deep water and we don't know how to swim."

Gavin knew this feeling, oh, he knew it all too well. This was the feeling he got when- 

No, he’d rather not think about that.

“Okay, I get it. It’s not all that black and white,” Gavin concluded.

“It isn’t indeed. But let me tell you- I think life would be boring if it wasn’t the case.”

They fell quiet for a moment. Without really thinking about it, Gavin ran his fingers through the sea of Nines' dark hair, and he would sweat the android leaned into the touch in the slightest. Gavin realised it was probably the very first time someone touched him like this. It made the touch strangely intimate- well, not that it already wasn't. 

“So, how do you feel then? You feel human enough, Nines?” Gavin asked him, only half-serious. But of course, Nines would give him a sincere answer. Of course, he had an answer. He was Nines. He always seemed to have an answer ready.

“I feel plenty,” Nines told him. "I'm not sure whether my percipience of the world or the way I feel is the same as humans, but, neither do you, after all. My black could look different from your black. So could be Connor's. Hank's. We call it the same, but we can never be sure we all see the same colour. That was one realisation that helped me feel better. That- and playing the violin."

"You play the violin?"

Nines closed his eyes, a weak smile playing on his lips as he spoke up, and Gavin was not able to tear his eyes away from him.

"Yes. I picked it up after talking to Markus once. I only met him a few times, and we only really talked once, but he's a wise android. As we talked, I mentioned that I sometimes struggle with expressing myself and understanding emotion in general. So Markus suggested using some kind of medium to learn how to grasp the emotion and express them- art, woodcarving, styling, just about anything that felt right. So I thought about that. And I figured violin felt right. I started just producing other pieces at first, thinking about them, understanding the feeling that went into them, and- well, it did wonders. And when I was able to put my own mood, my own emotion into the notes… I knew I’ve made it.”

It sounded so simple. So very simple. But truth to be told, it was so hard. Gavin had no musical instrument he could master in a matter of minutes to discover his emotion with it. And even if he could, he'd probably end up leaving the violin behind, too worried about what he might discover.

“Which piece is your favourite?” he asked instead.

Nines once again answered without hesitation, and Gavin had to wonder whether someone had ever asked him those questions before, and who could it possibly be.

“Antonio Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. I know it’s a bit mainstream, but… it was the first one I ever played, and the first one I really understood, because I could connect the emotion with the season so easily.”

“I guess that makes sense. It’s nice music,” he nodded. “But I have to say I’m not that big of a fan of classical music.”

"I never learned what kind of music do you like. Would you mind telling me?" Nines asked him politely, carefully, like he didn't still have his heavy, dark head laying on Gavin's lap.

"Well," Gavin started slowly. "That's… hard to say. I like a bit of this and bit of that. Depends, really. If I find it good, I'll listen to it. But if I had to say… Early 2000's rock. I grew up with that shit, you know. Fall Out Boy. Skillet. 30 Seconds to Mars. Three Days Grace. Breaking Benjamin. And Starset. Great guys, really great. I think they are my all-time favourites.”

“They all sound quite interesting,” Nines noted thoughtfully. “I have never heard any of their songs. Perhaps we could listen to them together?”

And then, Gavin got an idea- it was a terrible idea, really, because Nines was an android, and heck, he’s going to beat his ass in this, but it was too wicked of an idea to left undiscovered.

“No. We’ll do something better.”

It took him a while to dig the box up and it took him even longer to set it up properly while Nines watched him from the couch curiously.

“Is that a VR set?” Nines asked when everything was done Gavin let the android to admire his handiwork.

“You bet it is. HTC Vive. A state-of-the-art tech- or rather, it used to be. Now we get some silly tin humans instead. Pathetic, really.”

Nines rolled his eyes at the lousy joke as he lifted the whole six feet and three inches of his body up from the couch and picked up one of the controllers, examining it.

“What does the VR set have anything to do with music?” he asked, voice filled with doubt as he turned the controller in his hands.

“Beat Saber. Really makes you feel it. Come on, I’ll show you,” Gavin said as he put the helmet on his head, securing it. Back in his day, he had downloaded a fair amount of custom songs for it, enjoying the added perception.

It felt a little strange to move in the VR after such a long time, but he got used to it pretty soon, and in mere minutes, he settled his own best score in Skillet’s Legendary.

“Oh, I see. That looks fun,” Nines gasped behind him when he was done. “I see how the added dimension helps you really feel the music. Neat.”

Gavin grinned at him, or he at least hoped he did, because he could not see a darn thing in that goddamn helmet.

“Wanna try?” he offered.

“Yes!” Nines exclaimed excitedly, and Gavin could feel himself grin even wider. The rest of the day was promptly lost as they switched around spectating and playing, trying to best one another, and honestly, Gavin could not even remember when was the last time he was laughing so much.

It felt so good. So easy. To just be with Nines. Have him there. Let him steady him when he tripped over the power cable. So naturally, Gavin wondered when the next big fuck up will come. Because it always did. Because this was too good to last. Because eventually, Nines will walk away when Gavin inevitable fucks up, again and again, and again.

Connor dropped by the next day, bringing a bag full of groceries, talking with Gavin over the home phone.

“Hello, Detective!” he chirped cheerfully. “How have you been? Are you better now?”

_Despite what you think, some people care about you._

“Yea. I’m better. Thanks for the soup, btw. It was great.”

"No problem. Nines cooking could poison a rat- it's about the only thing he can't do."

“I mean... the tea he does is not bad,” Gavin offered, and he could hear Connor huff over the phone.

“I’d say that’s an improvement, then. There may be some hope.”

“We’ll see. How’s the DPD?”

“Busy as ever. Some more policemen were exposed to the virus, so we’re a few people short.”

"Sounds hard. Hopefully, Nines and I can get out of here, soon."

“You have just a week left,” Connor offered helpfully. “I’m sure it will be gone in a blink of an eye.”

"Yeah. One more week," Gavin nodded absentmindedly, eyes wandering to where Nines was sitting at the couch, back supported by a pillow, busy with a book. He felt Gavin’s gaze on him and he rose his eyes, offering him a simple smile, head titled curiously towards his left shoulder.

One more week.

They still watched movies. An awful lot of them. 

They somehow settled on the movies about space. Nines seemed to be oddly fascinated with the human drama planted into the grandiose scenery of whole wide cosmos and the contrast of the cold, cold space to the warmth of human skin. 

“Only human could be daring and foolish enough to sit at the top of a literal bomb that launches them to the most hostile environment in the whole wide world. I love it,” he stated when they watched The First Man and Armstrong’s internal struggle to overcome the loss of his daughter.

“Just you wait until I show you Apollo 13. Captures the absurdity of all of that,” Gavin laughed as he went to make himself some popcorn and grabbed a pouch of thirium as a snack for Nines, not too keen to snack alone. Nines seemed to understand that sentiment and drunk it, even when they both knew all too well his thirium levels were not dwindling, not by a far.

Nines watched the movie like his life depended on it. He always paid close attention to whatever was going on on the screen, trying to understand the hero’s motivation, but this time around, he looked genuinely invested in good old Tom Hank and the struggle of his crew and the whole NASA to get them home. Gavin could only guess he has never heard the story of Apollo 13, and that was good.

“But why?” Nines asked in the end. “Why would they give so much to save three men stranded in space? There are millions of other people in this world who need help. It’s illogical. Unreasonable.”

“Space travel itself is unreasonable,” Gavin grunted. “And besides that, saving them guys is mostly about the symbolism of conquering the space and overcoming the obstacles. Mankind works together with the best when lives are at stake. And this thing was big. Losing men in space was a dishonour to NASA in the eye of the public. Also, Soviets would have a field day with their incompetence.” 

“But still…”

“If there is a hope, a sliver of hope, humanity will grasp at it for their dear life, Nines. We are motherfuckers, but we are persistent, resourceful motherfuckers. We would not survive otherwise. And some things, some ideas are worth fighting for. Apollo 13 represented a lot to the world- scientific advances, the success of humanity as a species that mastered the environment they were not even supposed to get to, and more than that, survive in.”

“I guess,” Nines acknowledged, hesitating.

“Oh, stop it. I’m showing you The Martian. Not a true story, but great. Really brings the point of Apollo 13 home.”

So they watched that. Nines looked completely baffled by that.

“But this narrative is fictional, right?”

“Course it is. But based on what we knew about Mars back then, it was perfectly plausible and coherent with up-to-date science,” Gavin explained.

“Mark sure has a convenient set of skills, doesn’t he? Yet, I feel this story is quite compelling. I still may prefer the Apollo stories, but something about mankind’s struggle to live despite the odds is… fascinating, I got to say. Inspiring. Even the part where he grows the potatoes using his own faeces.”

Gavin rolled his eyes at the terminology.

“Just say shit, alright?” he told the android. 

“Okay, the part where he used his shit to fertilize the crops was cool,” Nines decided to entertain him, blue eyes sparkling with hidden laughter.

Gavin laughed at that, punching the android’s shoulder playfully.

“Just you wait until I show you Interstellar. That’s the truly inspiring shit.”

But despite their newfound levity, despite how easy it felt, as the time passed, Gavin was getting increasingly anxious. Just… being there with Nines felt so great. So natural. There was this strange, uncanny feeling that whatever it was they had now, their shared time, their shared laughs, even the deeper after-movie debates were something that was happening between those four walls when there was nothing better to do, nothing better to have, nothing more interesting to fill time with. Something to be had in between those four walls, something momentary, fleeting, disintegrating in the moments they are left out of their confinement.

Because Gavin was not worth it. Because Gavin was too much or not enough because as soon as Nines is out of the door, he will slip, slip, slip away and Gavin will stay alone, unwanted and dejected. As he always did. As they always told him he'd be.

And he turned quieter, quieter and quieter, pushing, pushing, pushing away, slowly, steadily, getting used to the coldness, to the loneliness. And Nines watched him with those all too understanding eyes and Gavin was starting to hate that look and hate those eyes and this stupid, idiotic quarantine that did bring forth the exact fact Gavin was fighting, fighting, fighting so hard against, desperate to forget, deny, deny, deny. The simple crushing fact he was in love with Nines.

So one morning, four days before they were supposed to be tested before ultimately being discharged of the quarantine, he stayed in his bedroom, fully intending to stay there for the rest of the quarantine, because he couldn’t stand it anymore, and he could not allow this, because as anything he touches, it will crash and burn, burn, burn-

There was a sharp knock on the door.

“Gavin, we are not doing this again, are we?” Nines muffled voice came through.

“You’re right, we’re not,” Gavin called back. “Because we’re done.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Don’t be ridiculous, let me in!”

He said hell. Nines said hell. He cursed, on his own volition. 

That could only mean one thing. 

He must have been truly worked up.

“No!” 

“I’ll break the locking mechanism again. I’ve done it before.” 

“Try it, shithead.”

“Oh, you bet I will!”

Gavin listened carefully as the footstep echoed further down the corridor and returned after a minute. Then, there was a sound of something metal clicking against metal and- 

There was no escaping it now, was it? Gavin tried, tried, tried to make it easy, but Nines had other plans.

Idiot.

Gavin sighed as he went to open the door. Nines was kneeling, holding a small screwdriver in his hand.

“There, was that so hard?” he rumbled, as he stood up, and pushed Gavin back into his own bedroom. The detective yelped in surprise at the suddenness of the movement, and then, the door clicked as Nines locked them again. "Now, you and I will stay here until you talk about it, Gavin. If you're not reasonable enough to open on your own, I'll make you. Because, honestly, whatever it is bothering you, you better get it out of your system." 

“The fuck-” Gavin started angrily.

“Don’t give me this shit, Gavin, stop it,” Nines interrupted him harshly.

“No, you stop it, Nines!”

"No, I won't!" Nines shook his head, and he did you quite furious. "You can beat this. You can do it. I know you can, you just have to step out of your shell and-"

“What do you even know about this, huh? What gives you the right?” Gavin screamed, stabbing an accusatory finger. “Just because we work together, just because of this stupid lockdown, you think you know me? Do you feel like you can understand it, the life full of shit, just because of that little violin of yours?”

“I tried my best to get to know you, but did you allow me to? Still, I did my best. I always try to. Can you say the same, detective Reed?” Nines slapped his hand away harshly, glaring at him, cheeks tinted blue, hinting at how worked up he actually was. “Acknowledging that you have a problem is a first step of solving it-”

“You’re the fucking problem, Nines, you and your stupid wannabe psychologist philosophy shit!” Gavin yelled angrily, and loudly, oh so loudly.

What followed was silence. Resonating, deafening silence, louder than the shouting match before. Nines opened his mouth, then closed it again, eyes wide and shit, shit shit shit, he looked hurt, and there it was, the moment Gavin fucked up because he's bad, bad, bad and now-

“I’ll only ignore this comment because I know you are agitated and upset and I know you didn’t really mean it,” Nines said slowly, as Gavin groaned in frustration, slumping onto the edge of the bed, face buried in his hands, suddenly weary and tired, so tired of this.

“Look at me, I’m such a messy, shitty person, spitting out nonsense like this. I told you I’m not worth it, Nines,” he mumbled. He heard some shuffling, and then there was a warm hand on his knee.

"Why do you keep saying this? Who fed you up with those lies? Of course, you are worth it, Gavin. You are worth every bit of effort invested into you," Nines told him softly. "Look at me, Gavin. Think of it this way- it can't turn any worse. You've got nothing to lose now, so just… try. Look at me, please."

Reluctantly, after what felt like an eternity, Gavin found it in him to pull his hands away from his face and looked at Nines, who was kneeling bin front of him, handsome, beautiful, a being out of this world, and so kind, kind, kind, with a patient, pensive smile on his pretty face.

Nines reached up to held Gavin’s face in both of his warm palms. And there it was- the sense of calm, of comfort, of trust, emerging slowly, a warm feeling budding in Gavin’s chest, as he leaned into the touch without thinking. A smooth thumb wiped away a lonely tear.

“Listen, Gavin. You are worth it. You are worth everything you think you are not worth, and so much more. To me, at least. You are witty. Quick thinker. Intelligent. You are the best detective I’ve ever met- including Anderson and my brother. And you can be kind. You are kind, even if you try your best not to show it,” Nines stopped talking, almost as if he was worried he spoke too much until he licked his lips- and since when was Gavin even noticing that kind of things?- and continued: "Point is, I like you the way you are. I want to be with you more. I want to learn more about you. So please, please, try to trust me. Let me help you with this, okay? Stop shutting me away. You don't have to be alone. I'm not going anywhere."

“Jesus fucking Christ, Nines, what’s gotten into you?” Gavin whispered, his voice trembling slightly. But Nines waited, waited, waited, patient, encouraging as he leaned forward, wrapping one hand around Gavin’s nape as he pressed their foreheads together. His skin felt cool, smooth. He waited some more, the only sound filling the bedroom was Gavin ragged, laboured breathing, that slowly calmed, eased out as Gavin thought, thought, thought of letting go, at last, after what felt like years of bottling it in, bottling it all in, letting it rot, rot, rot inside, until it started eating him from inside.

“Can I- can I really trust you with all of this?” Gavin asked him carefully, testing the waters.

“You can try. As I said, at this point, you have nothing to lose,” Nines replied softly, foreheads still pressed together.

“I’ve got nothing to lose but you,” Gavin countered him softly.

“Well, technically, yes,” Nines agreed. “But if what I’ve already put up with didn’t chase me away, do you really think I’ll leave you? After you finally open up and tell me the truth? After you trust me?”

"N-no," Gavin stuttered. Nines beautiful, sincere eyes were all to close to his, and so were his lips, but no, now was not the time to think about this. This moment was about something else entirely. About something that needed to precede anything that may be coming afterwards, that is, if something was coming after he dumps this load of shit and bottled up emotional traumas on Nines. 

“Okay, then. Okay,” Gavin breathed out. “I’ll try and tell you. Everything. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Nines gave him another one of his encouraging smiles as he offered to get comfy first if it helps. Without hesitation, without a doubt in his mind, Gavin slid under the covers of his bed, supporting his slightly aching back with a pillow. Nines asked for permission with his eyes only and only joined him when Gavin jerked his head in invitation. He wrapped his arms around him and let Gavin bury his face in the soft fabric of Nines shirt before he spoke up.

And he talked and talked and talked. Once he started talking, it felt impossible to stop, even when relieving all of it hurt badly, so badly, pulling on the old wounds. Nines hands in his hair, on his back, his embrace soothed it somehow, and Gavin went on and on and not, not even sure who was he telling his story to.

The story of twin sisters, who married about the same time and gave birth to two boys about the same time- Elijah and Gavin. How close the families were, and how he considered Elijah to be his own brother, their similar appearance only adding to that. How Gavin got a sister, Gabrielle, and how nice life initially was.

And how Elijah showed so much promise, his mind that of a genius, about all the attention the genius child got, and the disappointment Gavin’s dad took in his son when Gavin showed no signs of being above average. His endless tries to get Gavin to show the same genius Elijah got, all futile, until he gave up at last, but continued to give Gavin hell over not being as good as cousin Elijah was, always telling him how useless he was, how much of a failure he was, again and again, and again while showering cousin Elijah and Gabrielle, cute, musical prodigy Gabrielle, with praises and gifts.

How Gavin drove a car with both his sister and his mom, and how they got mixed up in a car crash that took both Gabrielle’s and mothers life, and how Gavin survived and how his dad blamed, blamed, blamed it on his, screaming at him, reminding him they’d still be there, despite being told over and over and over again that it was not Gavin’s fault. But he never listened, blaming, blaming, blaming Gavin.

How Gavin’s dad found an escape in drugs, spending their money on them, how that caused him to lose his job, and how he resorted to selling drugs for a living and how he used Gavin to make deliveries to the worse parts of the city. How he bullied his son, guilt-tripping him, blaming him for everything. How scared he was and what kind of things he saw, of people he got in touch with, and how he got robbed and beaten up, and how he had to learn to fight, fight, fight back and push back even harder.

About how Gavin finally stood up to his father, earning him that scar he hated so much, and how he runs away, ending up on the street.

How after two months of faring out in the Detroit streets for himself, no home, he met a young beat cop named Hank Anderson who took him home, fed him and found his aunt and uncle, who had no idea what was going on.

How they took Gavin in, albeit reluctantly, and let him live with them. How he had a home there but was always an extra, an invader, unwanted, a good for nothing add on, a painful, insightful reminded of long-dead sister and her junkie husband. 

How he and Elijah slowly found a way to one another, talking, recreating some of their childhood friendship and how Elijah they pulled away again, more interested in his "plastics", and how fucked up Gavin found Chole when Elijah proudly showed her to him, calling him a nutjob.

How Gavin jumped at the first opportunity to be on his own, renting a flat with his first boyfriend, who was older and stinking rich. They exploited one another- Gavin needed a wing to be taken under and pretended, pretended, pretended to be in love, while his boyfriend knew all too well what situation Gavin was in, and happily took advantage of that, how he took advantage of Gavin, never failing to remind him he is nothing, he means nothing, and how useless and shitty human being he was.

How he eventually, once again found it in him to run away from the toxicity of that all when he saw the man was looking at him with the same disdain as his father was, jumping at the offer of a scholarship from that beat cop who initially saved him from the street helped him get on law school, moving to the dormitory, ready to throw it all behind.

How he initially struggled, but made it, and showed some promise, being accepted to the force before he even finished, thanks to a good word from Anderson and Gavin's own hard work.

How he joined the DPD at last, a novice, and how he worked his harder to make a name for himself, other than Anderson’s favourite. How he dreamed of joining DPD’s SWAT unit, and how he met Allen, the freshest member of the SWAT, who did his genuine best to help him get into the force, and how they got together and how they were happy for a while, and for the first time in ages, Gavin got a feeling that someone was with him because he wanted just that, to be with Gavin, until he eventually figured out Allen’s cheating on him, ending up in a fight and eventual breakup, but not before Allen threw all of Gavin's shortcomings, all of his mistakes into his face, reminding him of how useless, good for nothing human being he really is, and that it was his fault, his own fault that Allen cheated on him, because if Gavin was enough, if he hadn’t been a shit of a boyfriend and a shit of a person, he’d never have any reason to.

How one day, Anderson, still very fond of Gavin, by that time serving in the fabled Red Ice Task Force, pulled him to side and told him that his father had been found dead in some measly, dirty drug dungeon, in a pool of his own vomit. How Gavin was not sure how to feel about it. How he held a quiet service for him, just aunt, uncle, Elijah and Chloe, and how unfair it felt to have him laying under the ground with Gabriella and Gavin’s mother, while he was still here, alone with the ghosts of the past.

How he congratulated Hank on becoming a Lieutenant, and how he hoped that one day, he perhaps can be the same, that he'll be meaningful, do something actually important. How one day, he will maybe change someone's life for better, as Hank managed to do for him. How it was the last thing he could do. How he decided to dedicate to that goal. How he wanted to protect those who were happier than him from the scum of human society.

How he watched his cousin's creation replace the humans day by day, job by job, and how terrified he was of being replaced to, being useless in one thing he did quite well in his life, how it scared him shitless and how he cursed Elijah's name. How he refused when Elijah offered him an android on his own, claiming that Gavin seems quite lonely, and how Gavin bluntly refused, stating that he'd rather die alone than have a mindless company that can't leave if it really wanted, by that time still hoping he'll find someone who will stay because they can't, and not because they want to. 

About another failed relationships, how he always felt like he was not enough, how he got consumed by his job, and how he got disappointed again and again and again, left alone, pushed away, broken, only cementing his low self- worth.

How Hank’s son, his beloved Cole died, and how Gavin tried to help Anderson with his grief just to be pushed away, yelled at, how Anderson resigned on everything, stating that life, nothing they do really matter and that Gavin should stop trying because all that will ever come out of it is pain, pain, pain, and that they are all useless meat sacks anyway. How Anderson pushed him away and found his resort in alcohol, slowly killing himself. How painfully it reminded Gavin of his father, who found an escape in drugs after he lost his girls and how he eventually gave up.

And how Gavin hardened, hardened, hid, eloped himself in a shell after shell after shell, dead- set on not letting anyone close, because he was not worth it. He never was. He was just convenient, something to exploit. And how meaningless it all was.

How much all of that hurt.

And Nines listened, he listened closely, not interrupting, not speaking a word.

They stayed quiet for a long time after Gavin stopped talking, and Nines just held him close. Gavin listened to the soft pulsing of his thirium pump, a bit more mechanical than a regular human heartbeat but calming, nevertheless.

Nines listened to his whole stupid, petty sob story and he did not call him stupid or useless or anything such. He did not laugh at him. He did not walk away. He just held him, chin buried in Gavin's hair, fingers rubbing Gavin's arm soothingly. 

It filled Gavin with hesitant hope that maybe this time, with some work, things will be alright. That perhaps Nines will stay, stay, stay, instead of leaving as everyone else did.

“Thank you for telling me all of this,” Nines whispered eventually. The room got eloped in the dark as Gavin talked, now illuminated only by the dim light of lamps on the street below, and occasional lights of a passing car. "I understand this must have been hard for you. Have you ever even… told this to anyone?"

“No,” Gavin admitted quietly. “My problems are my own. They are too unimportant to bug anyone else with.”

“No, they are not,” Nines protested. “You are allowed to have your own problems. You are allowed to talk about them. If it bugs you, it’s important.”

“Do you really think so?”

“Of course.”

“My problems always seem so insignificant compared to the others.”

“Well, they are not,” Nines insisted. “Stop putting yourself down, Gavin, please.”

“It’s hard to not put yourself down after-”

“None of that was your mistake. None of it. A man like Kamski is born maybe once in a century- and thank rA9 for that. The accident wasn’t your mistake. You taking advantage of that guy- yes, maybe. But considering the situation you were in, you could've done worse. Allen cheating on you was not your fault too. Captain follows his own moral code, but nobody knows what it is. Did you know he tried to hit on both me and Connor? Strange, really."

Gavin laughed at that, despite the bite of envy in his chest, somewhere close to his heart.

“You sent him to hell, right?”

“Of course I did,” Nines answered, and Gavin would bet he rolled his eyes at the question. “I’m not interested in casual flings, and Captain Allen can’t offer more than that.”

“Good,” Gavin praised the android. “I’d have to officially stop being friends with you if you did.”

“Petty,” Gavin could hear the smile in Nines voice. “Never change, Gavin.”

They fell quiet again after that. Gavin was feeling tired after that emotional rollercoaster and sharing a bed with Nines was so comfortable and he could literally not remember when the last time he was laying in bed with someone just for the sake of comfort and not because of the obvious ulterior motive.

“Can I just… say something?” Nines asked him after a while. Gavin pulled away to look Nines into eyes.

“Sure. Spill the beans.”

“To tell the truth, I think you had a lot of shit in your life and you did wonderfully, considering all that was said and done.”

Gavin gaped at the android for the solid ten seconds, tear stinging in his eyes.

“Do you really-”

“Yes, I do,” Nines nodded without missing a beat, lips set in a thin line. “And don’t let anyone tell otherwise. You showed as much resilience as those who saved Apollo 13, or Mark Watney when he decided to fight against the odds and live on Mars. It may not look as heroic, but the effort you put into surviving with it day after day is on par with them, or even greater.”

“Sure doesn’t feel like that.”

"I'm sure it is," Nines gave him an encouraging smile. "Because you fought alone. As Watney did before he found the Pathfinder and got reconnected to Earth. For so long. But… You don't have to fight alone anymore. As I was listening to you, I made a promise to myself- that I'm not going anywhere. That I won't leave you until you'll want me by your side. It will take me a while to understand what you went through, and I’ll probably never be able to understand it wholly, but I’ll try. I’ll try to be there for you. Always.”

They fell quiet for a moment as Gavin fought with himself, with all his doubt, his insecurities, his traumas, well, himself, actually.

He didn't know he needed to hear this until he heard it from Nines. 

This was precisely what he wanted, he realised. Not to be alone. Not to face those fears, those insecurities on his own, to have someone who will chase, chase, chase his demons away when he’s not strong enough.

Just one person.

Just one.

And Nines fought hard to prove himself as the one who he could trust. Despite Gavin pushing away, harder than he did with everyone else, knowing all too well that in front of Nines, sincere, wonderful, thoughtful Nines, his barricades would crumble and he'd be left out in the open, vulnerable and very breakable after all those pasts disappointments, after all those failures. Nines was there for Gavin before Gavin even realised Nines was exactly what he needed.

And it felt so natural. They clicked naturally, despite Gavin's attempt to prevent it. It was funny, really, how life sometimes finds its ways. 

But to tell the whole truth, Nines was too good to miss out on. And Gavin wanted, wanted, wanted it to be him. Even when he may end up getting hurt again, Nines was the one he was willing to risk it with.

"How does that sound to you, Gavin?" Nines asked him, after Gavin fell quiet for so long, so very long. "You can refuse me if you want. I'll never speak a word of what we exchanged today. But truth to be told, if you do, I'll probably ask for a new partner. I can't keep you at arm's length now. Not after all of this."

"Atta, atta, tin can," Gavin interrupted him harshly. "Nobody's refusing you. Hell, I'd be an idiot if I did- well, I still am, but- yeah, you get me."

He reached out to grab Nines hand, lifting it to his own face and all this confessing and stories of past must have messed with him as he pressed his lips to the knuckles of Nines hand.

“Stay. Please,” he said, voice shaking slightly, barely audible.

“I will,” Nines promised. “After all, I need you too.”

And it was the best promise Gavin has ever been given in his whole life.

They stayed under the covers, and Nines held him through the night, as Gavin fell asleep, and he slept deep, dreamless sleep, clutching the front of android’s shirt slightly.

The last days of their quarantine passed away in a happy blur. An android came around to test them again, both of them this time, and when the test arrived, they were both deemed completely virus-free and ready for work, which, besides the wonderful outcome their quarantine had, had them both excited.

It felt strange to venture outside the flat for the first time in weeks initially. Gavin had almost forgotten how to drive when they were heading to the precinct, but luckily he got a hang of it before they arrived at the precinct safely.

There, they were greeted by excited Connor.

“Brother! Detective Reed! Welcome back. We missed you.”

“Speak for yourself, Connor,” Anderson stepped in, and heck, Gavin was missing his ugly mug and those awful shirts. “I, for one, enjoyed the peace and quiet.”

"Well, I didn't miss your stupid face either," Gavin replied sneakily. Hank gave him a good-natured huff before returning to his table. Connor gave the partners a knowing smile before following him.

In silent unison, Nines and Gavin returned to their work.

After they were done, Nines asked Gavin whether he should stay, or go home with him. Gavin grabbed his hand, pulling him out, towards the car. He took him with him to stay, stay forever, or form the foreseeable future, at least, Gavin told him. And the smile Nines gave him made his heart skip a beat, and now he was pretty goddamn sure he was stupidly and inevitably in love.

And for once in Gavin’s life, things looked good. Hopeful.

He may not be alright, not by a far. Three weeks with Nines and one big exposition talk about his problem did not fix anything. But it was begging.

There were many, many issues to tackle. Cases to be solved. Criminals to be punished. People to be protected. Battles to be won. Mostly with himself.

And Gavin knew it would not be easy.

But now he got Nines, his wonderful partner, and, dare he say, boyfriend. Nines, who was looking at him with those big, beautiful eyes and he did not see a failure, someone useless and not good enough, but a human. Fallible, weak, pathetic human, but a human he cared for. A human he chose to be with, despite his shortcomings.

Someone chose Gavin. Someone actively fought for Gavin, to be with him.

He still couldn't believe it.

It felt great, so great to be wanted for once in his life. And he was digging it.

And that night, while falling asleep pressed to Nines side, he gave himself a promise, too, as Nines did. He promised himself he’d not fuck this one up. Never. Never.

Nines laughed softly when he told him that, kissing his temple softly.

And for once, the doubtful voice in Gavin's head had nothing to add to that.

**Author's Note:**

> Congratulations, you finished it! (Or just skipped to see, anyways, welcome to the end)  
> I swear to god, all I tried to write was Gavin who's frustrated that he can't work and is stuck as home with an android, but then... this happened. I admit this was a bit self- indulgent as well as therapeutic, since I'm not in a good spot right now, and I needed to vent, vent, vent it out and would you guess, the feelings ended up in this fic.  
> Also, please, please, please, do not forcefully invade another person's space. I largely have written Nines budging in for story purposes, but also because he, being an android, is not wholly aware of how to behave in such situations. He also knows Gavin well, despite what Gavin might think, so he knows this is only way he'll get through to him. Please, take this all with a grain of salt.  
> I am also aware that the end is somehow weak and if there will be some demand, I'm fully open to writing a continuation of this fic, to see how deep the rabbit hole goes, and to possibly give you guys a violin-playing Nines who I had planned from the begging but didn't somehow fit in between all the movie talk, Beat Saber and depression.  
> Anyways, good reader, thank you for reading so far. I'd be delighted if you could share your thoughts on this fic in the comments or provide me with a bit of constructive criticism.  
> Stay safe and sane y'all!  
> Kat


End file.
